How much money is enough money?

I freelanced for the first time in early 2017, from January through April. I was so burned out that I quit my viral media job without a new job lined up. I’d been doing a bit of freelance writing on the side of my full-time job for years so I figured I could just ramp up the volume of that work. Easy, right?

Well, as anyone who’s run a business knows, it was not easy. In January 2017, I made $5,000 before taxes. In February, I made $3,500. In March, I barely hit $4,000. It didn’t feel like enough. I was 26, living with my new husband in an expensive city, and providing all of our income as he finished up nursing school. In March, I started to panic. I applied for full-time jobs again. By mid-April, I landed a job working as an editor at a major media company. I was relieved, but also mad at myself.

I loved the freedom of freelancing. I remember working from coffee shops, going on mid-day runs, and feeling blissfully free. But every time I looked at my bank account, I felt completely nauseated. I was full of panic. I wanted this whole thing to work, but it wasn’t working. I couldn’t see how to make it work long-term.

It’s been seven years since that first trial run and I make a lot more money these days. But here’s the honest truth: I still sometimes feel that same panic when I look at my finances. Somehow, it still doesn’t feel like…