Boundaries in real life

Lately, I’m learning how to set boundaries — again. As a recovering people pleaser, this is probably my life’s work. Every time I think I’ve made some progress, I’m forced to acknowledge the fact that I could do more, be more clear, step out in favor of myself more often.

As my therapist put it a long time ago: You don’t have a boundary problem, you just have a little bit of erosion happening after you set the boundary.

I’ve thought about that a lot, thought about how the erosion often feels okay in the moment because it preserves my relationships. But lately, it’s become pretty clear that I need to set better boundaries in my coaching business if I want to avoid burnout.

I realized back in November that I’d been subconsciously holding back from inviting people into my coaching room because I was genuinely afraid to fill up my calendar. Why? Because of a lack of clear boundaries. And because the expectations I have for myself as a coach — very high expectations — have meant that I often give too much, extend the hour session to a full month of back-and-forth emails without charging more, and beyond.

I’m sure this sounds familiar to you. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably also experienced this heaviness, the resentment that comes with feeling like you have to “do it all” for other people. You’ve probably also experienced…